The Mock Family is Complete
Eleanor Lynn Mock was born May 16th 2010, at 2:38 pm, she weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces and was 21 inches long, but that is not where this story begins, it is where this story will end and a new story will begin, the story of Eleanor’s life. This though, this is
“Eleanor Lynn Mock was born May 16th 2010, at 2:38 pm, she weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces and was 21 inches long, but that is not where this story begins, it is where this story will end and a new story will begin, the story of Eleanor’s life. This though, this is the story of my pregnancy and Eleanor’s birth and it begins with my struggle to get pregnant. After three years of hoping I would just get pregnant and two years of seeing a great infertility expert, (Doctor Anil Pinto), I had given up. Over the years I went through so many emotions, I was hopeful and optimistic at times, I was resentful and angry at others, but now I was resigned. After years of monthly disappointments, I resigned to leave my destiny up to fate and God and to stop hoping each month that the next one would be the month. I had been to all the appointments, taken the medication as prescribed, gone through so many embarrassing procedures and exams; I had done everything right over and over again! My family and friends always had questions, advice, pitying looks, and well-meaning platitudes. Everywhere I went, every show I watched, every time I closed my eyes all I saw were babies. I remember going in to Dr. Pinto’s office and trying to put on a brave face after yet another month of negative pregnancy test, and he saw right through me. He gave me a hug and reassured me, Dr. Pinto and his staff always knew just what to say, and when I needed them most.
The last time I went through the routine was different though, through all of the medications and the exams, I had no expectations and no hope that it would work. I just couldn’t continue to get my hopes up every month only to have them dashed and my heart broken each time, so I decided this would be the last time. When I finished the medicine and they told me I had one lone egg, I didn’t even smile, I wouldn’t dare to hope or expect anything more than heartbreak. I went through the month of August 2009 as if it was any other month and didn’t even think of that lonely egg I had created. I mean, why would I? This wasn’t the first time they had told me I had an egg, I had had several eggs since we started seeing Dr. Pinto, sometimes two or three, but they never turned into anything more.
I went to Florida to visit my mom and friends on August 3rd 2009 and my husband Jeff stayed home to work and take care of the animals. I didn’t think much of it, it was just a normal trip to visit family, try to relax, and take my mind off of having babies. I had brought two pregnancy tests with me to take on the 4th, just like Dr. Pinto had told me, but this time was different because I had no expectations or hope of pregnancy. I wasn’t counting down the days until I could take the test, instead it was just one more thing to check off my list of things to do; almost more of a chore than something that could change my life forever. I woke up that morning, my mom was at work, and her husband John and my stepbrother James were getting ready to leave to work for the day. I started the shower and almost forgot to take the pregnancy test, it was definitely an after thought. I took the test and set it on the counter and hopped in the shower, not knowing that my world was about to change. When I was finished showering I was drying off and glanced over at the pregnancy test, it was one of the digital tests that reads either “PREGNANT” or “NOT PREGNANT” and it read PREGNANT! I almost fell over, my knees started to give out and as I steadied myself, dripping water all over the floor I started to cry. I thanked God for this gift that had come at a time when I needed it most, I was going to be a mother.
Over all the years of trying to conceive a child everyone kept telling me, “It will happen when you least expect it” and I would just smile and reply, “I am trying to get pregnant, I will always be expecting it,” I was wrong. I did not expect to be standing in the bathroom of my mom’s house holding a positive pregnancy test on August 4th, 2009. I wrapped a towel around myself and ran to my room to get my phone to call Jeff, and then I ran back to the bathroom to look at the test again. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t seeing things, hallucinating, or even dreaming, because this just couldn’t be real. I made myself pee again so I could take the other test before I called Jeff to tell him the news. If it was just a false positive I didn’t want to break his heart too, but the second test was positive too. I called Jeff crying and just started blubbering about a positive test and I’m sure he was a little confused but he finally figured out that I was telling him I was pregnant. Jeff was really calm and just said, “Are you sure?” so I went on to tell him about both positive tests and that I had seen hundreds of negative pregnancy tests, but never a positive one, let alone two positive ones! His response was, “Let’s see what the doctor says.” I understand he was just as scared as I was to believe or maybe just scared this but I really wanted a little more enthusiasm, maybe even a tear or two, but at that point it didn’t matter. All I could think of was getting dressed and going to see my mom, she had to know.
I stopped at Kmart on my way to see my mom, I needed to walk through the baby aisles, I needed to buy something, anything for this child growing inside me. I felt if I could put my hands on something solid, it would make my pregnancy real and then no one would be able to take it from me. I walked up and down the aisles looking at all of the baby stuff that the day before I would have thought was adorable, but today nothing seemed good enough. I was overwhelmed by how much there was in that store and was thinking of little girls and little boys, and what my baby would be like. I finally decided to buy a baby book, with Winnie the Pooh on the cover, that was all. I went up to my moms work and when she got into my car I handed her the baby book, she turned to me and said “Oh how cute, is this for Deanna?” and I looked at her with tears running down my face and just said “No, it’s for me.” We hugged, cried, and then we went home.
My pregnancy went great, I wasn’t nauseas and sick or overly emotional, in fact if my belly wasn’t getting bigger I wouldn’t have even thought I was pregnant. When I was 15 weeks pregnant my mom and John came to visit for Thanksgiving and on November 25th, 2009 I went to get a 3D sonogram and I found out my baby was going to be a girl! Of course the next thing I did was go shopping for my new daughter. I was so excited to be able to buy things that were pink with ruffles, lace, and bows, as opposed to the other things I had gotten that were all yellow and green. Jeff and I argued over names and never could come to a decision that we could both agree on, we made lists and then argued over the lists, but through it all I was in heaven. We finally agreed on Eleanor as a first name and I chose the middle name Lynn after my mom’s middle name, but it wasn’t set in stone. Every now and then we would throw out a new name and turn it down, but Eleanor was always still there as the name we could agree on.
Time goes by so slowly when you are pregnant, you have wild dreams, and numerous worries, but time doesn’t stop, it just feels that way. When I went to see my OB, Dr. Joseph, at 8 months pregnant he told me Ella was going to be a big baby, but not to worry he had seen women a lot smaller than me push out a 10 pound baby with no problems. This made me really nervous, I really didn’t want a to have a cesarean, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to take care of my baby as well if I had to have a C-section. At my nine month check up Dr. Joseph told me the baby was still really high, and for me to have the baby she would have to drop, and if she didn’t drop by my due date May 15th, then they would probably have to do a C-section. On May 3rd, I was miserable, tired, and huge, Dr. Joseph said Ella was still very high and offered to induce me the next week or he said we could wait until her due date but either way there was a high probability of having to do a cesarean because of her size and her position. On May 7th, I was at work and my legs started to swell, a lot, they were huge. I scheduled an appointment with the doctor and he put me on bed rest, told me to relax and come back on Monday the 10th. I was so bored, I must have watched 20 movies, and 300 episodes of “A Baby Story,” and all I could think about was I was going to be a mom very soon.
Jeff worked as usual that Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night, while I tried to stay busy and not think about how freaked out I was to be home alone all night when I was so close to having our baby. I had contractions all week but they would come and go, and I was scared that I was going to end up going to the hospital too early and look silly like many women do with their first pregnancy. So I ignored the contractions for the most part (as much as I could) and told myself that I wouldn’t go to the hospital until my water broke. On Wednesday the contractions were coming and going all day, so I told Jeff, “today might be the day, I will call you if I need you, keep your phone by your side no matter what,” I finally fell asleep that night and dreamed of my baby girl. Thursday and Friday I did the same thing I told Jeff “today may be the day,” and then I would fall asleep and wake back up the next day. Saturday, well Saturday was much of the same, I don’t remember exactly what we did that day, but I remember I was uncomfortable all day long. The contractions never let up Saturday, but when I told Jeff that I thought the baby was going to come that day, he just blew me off. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf, he had heard it before and now it didn’t phase him. We had Zenna, my favorite Thai food for dinner around 6:00 pm and went to lie down and relax. Jeff fell asleep, but I just could not get comfortable, I tossed, turned, got up, and stretched, but my back was hurting so bad I just couldn’t fall asleep.
I woke Jeff up around 10:00 pm and told him I thought we might need to go to the hospital; my contractions wouldn’t go away, so he sat up and told me to go call the doctor. I didn’t want to call the doctor, I was scared of looking stupid. Instead I decided to try to go to sleep again, nope. I tried timing my contractions but it was hard to tell when one stopped and when the next one started. It really just felt like my back hurt really bad. Eventually Jeff figured out that I wasn’t going to let him get any rest since I couldn’t so he sat up and was watching Desperado. He kept telling me to call the doctor, but I didn’t want to bother him in the middle of the night. So long story not so short I eventually called the doctor around 1:00 am and he told me to come in to the hospital to be checked. I told Jeff we probably wouldn’t be staying but they wanted to check me out, just in case, I was still trying to save face just in case I was wrong. On our way to the hospital Jeff and I started “discussing” the baby’s name again for the zillionth time, he was still trying to convince me to name her Lenore, and I yelled at him in the middle of a contraction that I would rather name her Rainbow Flipping Bright than Lenore.
We arrived at the hospital and were buzzed into the labor and delivery unit, and the nurses are just staring at us, like why are you here? The doctor didn’t call and tell them I was coming, so surprise, here I am feeling ridiculous for dragging my exhausted husband out of the house at 2 in the morning and bothering a doctor, and these nurses for something that is probably nothing more than just gas. I was still trying to save face, play it cool, and I wouldn’t even let Jeff bring in my bags. By the way my doctor was not on call for the weekend, his weekend was the weekend before, so if I am in labor I am out of luck, I am going to have a stranger deliver my baby, not he man I have grown to trust, that also delivered Jeff and his sister. Nope if this baby isn’t going to wait then I will just have to deal with this other doctor, whoever just happened to be on call this weekend.
I filled out my paperwork and the nurse, Alice, took my weight and then took us to a room. I was told to change into a gown and lay down on the bed, and the whole time I was apologizing for, most likely wasting everyone’s time. The nurse came back to check me and to everyone’s surprise and my delight I was 6 centimeters dilated. I was going to have this baby! I cannot explain the feeling of relief that I was actually in labor and I was going to have my baby. Yay, I’m not stupid! The nurse couldn’t believe I was in active labor by the way I was acting, she was really surprised. She said most women at 6 cm are screaming and crying by then, and I was just a little uncomfortable. I was hooked up to the machine that monitored my contractions and blood pressure, and the IV. The IV really hurt by the way, I think it was the location they put it, it was in the bend of my wrist and I complained about it for the next two days. I thought my contractions were about 6 minutes apart, and it turns out they were only 3 minutes apart, I guess I was only counting every other one. The doctor came in and checked me, he agreed I was staying, but he wasn’t sure about the baby’s position, because she was so high. My nurse asked me what I wanted to do for pain management, and I told her to give me all she had. All I can really say is thank God for epidurals, it was still a lot of work once I started pushing, but at least it didn’t hurt.
Once everything was hooked up and I was comfortable, the nurse told me to get some rest, I got to sleep and so did Jeff. The only problem with that was when I needed Jeff, like when I started to get sick, I couldn’t get him to wake up. My water broke at about 5:00 am, and I was getting really excited. At 10:00 am I was dilated to 10 cm and the new nurse (who I loved and can’t remember her name) told me the time had come to start pushing. I’m not going to lie, childbirth is not a beautiful thing (as Jeff will probably tell you if you ask him), so I will spare you all the messy details. When the doctor pulled her out I was so scared, there were all of these NICU nurses in the room and it was very intense. She went straight to the nurses’ station, (in the room) to be worked on while the doctors put me back together again. I was scared but I could hear her crying, and I was crying, but my nurse was so wonderful, she kept me aware about what was happening with my little girl. She was fine, a little bruised (they had to use forceps), and swollen, and she looked really weird with only one visible eye (swelling) and a super cone head, but I loved her when I saw her. After a few hours she looked a lot cuter and now she is perfect, my blonde haired, blue eyed, angel.
At 2:38 pm on May 16th, 2010, Eleanor Lynn Mock came into this world, she weighed 8 pounds and 9 ounces and was 21 inches long. My childbirth story may not have happened the way I pictured it, but it was perfect, she was perfect and I will never forget that day and the way I felt. I am forever grateful to Dr. Pinto and his staff for their kindness and gentleness , my family for their patience with me as I rode the roller coaster of hormones on my journey to motherhood, and of course God for showing me that everything happens in His time and to never give up hope. Eleanor has brought so much joy to our lives, every time I see her smile, hear her giggle, hold her after she runs to me for a hug I remember how truly blessed I am that my dream came true and I pray for all the families still dreaming and waiting, that they will get their miracle baby too. “